Relationship and marriage breakdown: when enough is enough

The decision to stay or leave an unhappy marriage is not an easy one to make especially when there are people involved other than you and your partner. You are not alone. Many couples come to realise at some point in their relationship that things are not going as planned for some it is just a question of talking through problems, however for others it is the end of the road. How do you decide? Do not give up on your relationship without first trying to work through your problems. If you and your partner have been together for a long time, you have already invested a lot of time in one another. You must be able to remember the good times and how you worked as a team in the past. What has changed? Is it something you have ignored and is now an issue, or have you gone over your issues time and time again without moving forward? If you have not attempted to salvage your relationship then now can be the time to focus on how you can make improvements. You and your partner owe it to one another, your children (if you have any together) and your families to at least attempt to work things out before abandoning your relationship completely.

First things first: identify the cause of marital conflict. For example, if your partner suffers from addiction then seek help from support groups and official government resources. Drug, alcohol and gambling addictions provide a very unstable environment for children and their safety should be your top priority. Never leave your children in a potentially dangerous situation no matter how much your partner loves them; they are not able to look after themselves or your children in the way they deserve.

Do not forget that there are two people in this relationship and that you may have to evaluate your own behaviour rather than trying to fix your partner. By changing your own behaviour your partner will be forced to relate to you differently and your general interaction may change for the better. Make a consistent effort to be positive and encouraging towards your partner, for example alternate any negative criticism with a lot more constructive compliments. By complementing your partner’s qualities you will be more aware of the good things they contribute to your relationship and these will hopefully outweigh the bad. Make an effort to share your positive feelings with one another opening up channels of communication. Once you have started communicating in a constructive way then you can calmly discuss your issues and how to resolve them.

You may want to try seeking professional help from a marriage counsellor. Professional advice does not guarantee you resolve your issues and may still result in divorce.

Examine your situation and if after a year of trying to resolve your differences nothing has changed then you should really ask yourself whether it is time to initiate separation.

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